He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
