Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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