can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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