I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
