you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
