this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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