Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
