So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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