can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm passing your future prison.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
