he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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