Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dear god my vagina.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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