The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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