I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
