he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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