How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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