I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
