in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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