a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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