I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
