Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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