4 words: hood of his car
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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