this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
