Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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