honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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