The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
