Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
