This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
