He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
