you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
