It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
