so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
