Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
