Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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