Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
