so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
