Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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