the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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