I want to make a zoo with you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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