Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
