Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
