I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
