i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
