woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.