And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.