I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
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is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.