I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
