We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.