I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.