honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize
