I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
