My liver just broke up with me...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
