I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
