i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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