I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
