Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
