P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
