dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
