well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I want a musical about memes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
