vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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