don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
