So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
