my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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