no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
