remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
