So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
