Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
