I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
sex in a hospital.. check
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
