i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
