This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
