I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my sisters under your porch take her home
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
