New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
